foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
