How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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