my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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