you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
