I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
