Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
