Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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