dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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