Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
