it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
