dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
