yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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