Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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