This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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