Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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