I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
