"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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