I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
