i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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