I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
