i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize