listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
They took my balls.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
