Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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