Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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