Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
