Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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