Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
