the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
