Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
