Umm I'm too high to move.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
