What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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