The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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