Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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