Is it normal to miss your booty call?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
