Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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