i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He shit in the fireplace
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
