i would punch a child for taco bell
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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