I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
