the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
