I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
