Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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