every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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