Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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