My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
