if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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