Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
