I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She told me I should be a condom model.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
