you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize