i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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