after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
