She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
