so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize