Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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