god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
