only if we run a train.
done.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
