Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
