It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
