he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
