I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
