I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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