wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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