woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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