one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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