So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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