woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Randomize
