Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
