is your mom at the bar?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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