elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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