why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
