My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
