I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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