Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
