My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
