There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I don't deserve a penis
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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