i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
