Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
